And let this be the last paragraph of the last post, which was left out as I laid down my head, exhausted and sad, upon my keyboard:
I realized then, that none of this would happen, because this was what I was to let go: a daughter, a child, my future. It was going up in a sudden puff of smoke, and I was to be devastated for a long, long time from it. It would take months to plow through the ashes to find some semblance of normal.
I never could have planned or guessed how truly sad I would be until I met her.
2 comments:
This is so sad. The last post was of course sad, and yet the end--love exploded--ends somehow in hope and wonder. And somehow it does not seem false, perhaps because that love still shines in the way you write and talk about Charlotte, the way have integrated her into your family, and the work you have done for other babylost mamas.
I don't say this in anyway to diminish or put aside your devastation, sadness, or the work of your grief. I know there is no comparison to having her here.
Thank you as always for your honest and intimate sharing of your experience.
"Love Exploded".... I felt the same way. I never could have imagined the magnitude of love I felt for a little one that I hadn't officially "met" yet. And I often wonder how I can cry so many tears for a baby I knew for such a short time. But then I realize the tears are for all the time that passes and I no longer have the priviledge of knowing her.
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