I lay there and cried, tears pooling in my ears, knowing that 11 months to that moment earlier, I had been across the hall, curled on my side in a birthing bed, my body heaving to deliver a body whose life had already passed.
It was the moment I had been thrown back into the life I had always longed for. Always. With my little girl's spirit tucked under my arm, close to my heart, I would carry on, and I would bestow all the love energy that I had planned to put into her, into him. I would use all of the things she had taught me to be a better mother to him. She would be there. And he was here.
If she had lived, he would not be here.
What more can I say to him, this child who saved me?
This baby upon whom my very life depended?
This tiny, innocent creature who pulled me out of the deepest, darkest place, and lifted me, exalted me?
I love you, little Liam.
You are so perfect for me, and you always will be.