For example, I have this box sitting right next to me of dental stone. I have a can of alginate, too, that's the gel-like stuff they put in a mold and you bite into it to get an impression of your teeth. You can use this same stuff to make impressions of hands and feet, so I bought some off my dentist to learn how to use it so that they can do it at our hospital. then people will have an actual, cast, statue of their baby's hand or foot to cherish and feel forever. Unfortunately the two cans each didn't come with the requisite scoop, so I have to go back to the dentist, and get the scoops, and then I have to find a newborn baby to use as a model, to try to figure out how to do this stuff, and to feel reassured that the little hand really does just wiggle out of the mold like they say it will. Then I have to teach some nurses how to do this, so they can or will actually do this for the patient. So this might all take about 12 hours, all told. Which might take me 2 or 3 weeks. And so what if someone's baby dies between now and then? They won't get a hand cast. That's because I'm not doing what I need to be doing to get it so they can have one. But I can't do it all at once, I can't.
Why did I not say it? Why? I just felt worried for her, knowing that she knew that it was already hard for me that her baby shared my baby's name, to then add that they also had the same hair style on top of that (and it wasn't really the style, just the color). It wasn't a conscious decision at the time, just a feeling I had, and at the time I didn't feel the depth of the omission as I do now. I want to go back and say it, and let her know that I don't mind talking about it and that I'm okay with everything now. But I didn't. And you can't ever go back, can you.