Monday, August 4, 2008

8.4.76

Today is my birthday.
Thirty two years ago today, my mother birthed her first child: a daughter.
In the delivery room, a nearly- seven pound baby girl emerged.
It's a girl, the doctor cried.
And so did I.
I am so jealous of my mother, I envy her, for having me. This is a strange feeling.

When Charlotte died, she laid her head down on the bed beside me and cried.
I wish it could be me, she cried, I wish I could take this away from you. It's not fair. I got to have you and you need your little girl, too.

And I do.

Five years ago today we had her cottage memorial. About thirty people came. We showed pictures, read words to them, to try to make her real. Today I wore my shirt proudly : Charlotte's mama, in case anyone forgot.

It is hard to imagine anyone would, but sometimes people forget the things they don't want to remember.

8 comments:

mommymichael said...

Happy Birthday!! You share your birthday with my grandmother who turned 86 today. Visit my page to see her birthday cake picture =)

Shannon said...

Happy Birthday! What a wonderful way to spend your birthday, in a peaceful place surrounded by so many who love you!

Birdies Mama said...

Happiest Birthday to you my sweet!
I wanted to call you, and see you on your day.....as I was so happy to see you and share my birthday with you this year. I do hope you had a beautiful day in your magical place.

Happy Birthday Charlotte's Mama, Liam's Mama and Aiofe's Mama!

xo-erin

Rebecca said...

Happy Birthday! I hope that those around you yesterday celebrated you as you, so often and in so many ways, celebrate them. My son has just begun to understand birthdays and he wants to have birthday parties every day. Perhaps tonight we will sang on overdue rendition of "Happy Birthday, Charlotte's Mommmmmy, happy birthday to you......"

janis said...

Happy Birthday!!
And remembering Charlotte too...

Sara said...

Happy Birthday!
And it's good to have you back. I've missed your posts the past few days.

Janya said...

happiest birthday to you and happy remembrances to your eldest.

:) janya

Jen said...

This is ridiculously late, but heartfelt nevertheless. A very happy birthday to you, dear Carol, you loving mama and doer of amazing work.