One of the things I like about having this blog is that everyone seems to be really nice to me so far and it's a good ego boost. So thanks, y'all. I really don't know what to say.
I mean this is the thing, isn't it. We're all pretty unimpressed with ourselves. On a daily level I am. As a survivor of losing my baby I do feel badass, I will admit this to you. Having already done the most difficult thing I will ever have to do feels good. Every time I say this, my brain starts concocting scenarios of what could be worse, now that I have two living children with me. But gearing myself up to push forth my child who would not breathe, that took a lot. I cannot imagine any single act of courage that would trump that one, and I am proud of myself for that. I still cannot concieve of any single person performing such an act, much less myself. But on a day to day level I do have these teenagerish moments where I feel dreadfully incompetent. I look around as if to say, "Where's the mom around this place?" I wonder to myself who is going to fold the baskets of laundry, and when. I think "I wonder what's for dinner?" The flip side of this, the being the mom part, is that I do sometimes gleefully eat hot fudge sundaes at midday, and nobody can stop me from doing it. But I waver, sometimes. I second guess. I compare.
Don't we all?
3 comments:
Yes we do. And, no we shouldn't. But we will anyway. Yours was a true form of bravery. You've shown yourself that when you were tested you did what you had to (that sounds much more simplistic than I want it to sound). But you didn't waver or second guess. So eat the hot fudge, you deserve it.
Yes we all do.
You're an amazing woman. Seriously, you are.
*gasp* you said "y'all"
are you originally from the south?
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