Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Just this one, weird thing about having published an article in a magazine that a lot of people in this community read:
I forget, sometimes, about this. So I am with this woman, and I'm kind of trying to make friends with her because I really like her and we sing in a chorus together and our sons are in nursery school together. I'm sort of casually trying to clue her into my life, along with some other people, when someone says, "Did you have an article in the newspaper last year? Or was it a magazine?" Actually, it was both, the Mothering Article and they ended up writing something really sweet and quite long in the newspaper before our Mother's Day walk which we did to raise funds for our support group. So I tell her this, that I had the newspaper in May and then the Mothering article in March.
And the woman I am trying to court says, 'Oh, was it really only in March? I feel like it was about a year and a half ago'.
Which makes me kind of sigh, and laugh to myself, because here I have been really nervous trying to talk about Charlotte and not say too much that I scare her away, but say enough that I feel comfortable, and meanwhile she knows the whole, entire, depth of my story. Written from my heart. It hadn't even crossed my mind.
Here it is at


mm said...

As a person who is looking in from the outside. To me, it can't be just the first anniversary of my friends second still born babe... no, no it must be two, three years... no that was the first babe... but wait... I shake my head and try to clear it... that was her first child, so long ago =(

The grief, the sorrow, the markers of time seem to go so ? I don't know. It just seems like so long ago. AND NOT IN A BAD, 'I WANT TO FORGET IT' KIND OF WAY!!!! I SWEAR!
It just seems like only a year (or in this case not even) isn't enough physical time to cram all those tears, and rantings and raving and sadness in to. It must be longer.
She is due to have another babe shortly after this anniversary... complete oops, but there it is. So perhaps this gives me the idea of it can't just be a year? Wasn't she just pregnant?
I know that she was.
I know she laboured and gave birth.
I know she had a baby.
I know I was there afterwards this time.... but still... it seems like it should have been long ago... the pain is still that ache when I hear the name of her last babe.... huh.

Tonight I am going to a clients home to drop off some flowers... their babe was due this month, came too early... much too early. We met at the hospital (I was an emergency doula, as her brother wasn't sure what to do) and forever I will remember this mama and her babe... the dad who was pulled from overseas to come home and mourn his firstborn....
*where did the tissue box go?!!!!!!
I can't even come close to understanding the sadness they must be feeling right now. But I hope against hope that I can at least let them know that I remember...
Just thought I'd throw this out there. I don't "know" what you are feeling, how it is... but I hope that reading your journeys will help me be a better person/doula.
It can't be easy forging new friendships when people are so immersed in the norm of 'don't speak about the elephant in the room'...

mm said...

In my epic comment I forgot to mention... that I keep getting an error on the link.
sorry for taking up so much space.

Birdie said...

My Dear Friend!

The link that you put does not work: I found the working link. Its: http://www.mothering.com/articles/body_soul/grief_trauma/charlottes-grace.html

Birdie said...

Let me try that again.

katie said...

I just read your article. The way you write your words is so beautiful. Your strength is amazing.

C. said...

The article you wrote is a wonderful legacy to your Charlotte and your living children as well. I can't imagine them being anything but proud of the way you've handled the loss. Your strength is amazing, Charlotte's Mama.

Bon said...

i just read your article on Charlotte...and i have tears running down my face, not just because it is such a beautiful tribute, but because the words are ones i wish i'd found to honour my own firstborn. you have done Charlotte proud, i think.

and it IS odd, isn't it, to realize that through your writing people you know in the most mundane circumstances know more about you than many people close to you? i've recently learned that some of my coworkers - or their wives - read my blog. bizarre.