My first daughter, Charlotte Amelia, was born silently into the world on May 13, 2003. Since her birth and death our family has welcomed four living children. Joy and gratitude prevail in our life together, yet my sadness is always with me, tucked alongside the beauty of every day.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Flicker of a Soul
Last night I lay with Liam in the mostly-dark of his bedroom. The sound machine whirred, the walls were reflecting a dim yellow-blue from the glow of his little night light. I lay next to him, my head almost over him, buried in the covers beside his head. Suddenly, he started.
What was that? he said.
What was what?
That shadow. A shadow just went gliding across the ceiling.
I looked, and saw nothing. There was nothing animate between the light and the ceiling, nothing rational to make a shadow.
"I don't know," I said. "What do you think it was?" But inside, I smiled to myself.
Tonight, at dinner, I told him, "That shadow you saw? I think it was Charlotte's spirit."
He looked confused. "But I saw it," he said.
"Sometimes," I told him, "If you are very lucky, you can see a spirit."
He smiled at me then, a knowing smile of pure joy. We said no more.