Monday, July 28, 2008

Gratitude, or not

There is this cute man who works for the nursery in our town, and he delivered me some wood chips tonight. He has a six month old baby, and every time I see him he shows photos, and goes on and on about the joys of fatherhood. It really is adorable, and it makes me so happy. There is nothing more satisfying to the babylost than seeing people who truly, deeply, and openly appreciate the gift and miracle of their children.
Tonight, garden man (whose name I don't know!) told me, in the context of complete and utter disbelief, of a friend of his whose parents were fighting for custody of her two children. And he said, she said, fine, take them. I don't care, you can have them.
He expressed to me his disbelief, his inability to understand how someone could possibly not want their children.
And, of course, I said, that always makes me so mad. And I told him about Charlotte, and he listened, and I told him that his acquaintance had it pretty good, and it made me furious to see people who really don't care much for their kids, get them, and they never realize that their kids could be gone a minute later.

Argh. I am so glad there are people like garden man out there, and so disappointed and disheartened that there are people like his friend.


Jen said...

I don't think I will ever understand how someone could not love their children, could imagine handing them over. I just can't fathom it, nor can I fathom the depth of pain and abandonment those unwanted children must feel. It hurts to contemplate it.

Hennifer said...

This just breaks my heart. I'm in the middle of a divorce, we have 2 small children.

Upon learning that my husband was having an affair and moving out he said "I won't fight you for the children".

He meant it as defense against all the other pain he'd caused me. Like he was doing something generous for me because he knew how much not having my children with me all the time would wound.

In that moment I became truly depressed to realize what a crappy choice I made in a life partner, and worse, in a father for my children. I thought even less of him then I thought I could.

I don't mean to sound as if I want to be embroiled in some bitter dispute regarding custody but if he's already going to lose living with his children full time shoulnd't he choose to have them as much as he can?

It was painful in those early months to have my children forcibly not at home but it is about them and who/what they need.

Ok. I'm rambling. Sorry.

Good gardner man :)