Tuesday, December 7, 2010

News, and such

There's a long story and a short story to everything, and so I could choose between the two in offering some thoughts on the dearth of writing lately. I'll select the short version, and state it like this, uncontained within one sentence as to state it as another might would make it all seem too real: 16. weeks. pregnant.

Did anyone really think I could ever stop this baby growing process with the culmination of my last beautiful effort, Fiona Clementine, she who has been like a blossoming new flower, scented beautifully vanilla, smiling and offering greetings and waves everywhere we go? Who curls into me and rests her fat cheeks on my shoulder and whose wet lips smoosh into my cheek and leave me breathless every day?

I have always known I would have to exceed all measures of practicality before I would be able to call it a day with conception and birth and, hopefully, the parenting of a newborn infant. So here I find myself, with a 6 year old, and a 4 year old, and a just-turned-1 year old, and as her half-birthday rolls into view and passes another one might come into our life, rosy and whole as her/his siblings, and the end may have come for this stage.

At this point we will have exactly one hand per child, not enough bedrooms, hardly room in our car, definitely (practically speaking) not enough money, and so this makes it just perfect for us, because to be practical in these circumstances, when there are amazing people to be made, is simply a waste of an opportunity.

So an opportunity we decided we would seize, should it present itself. Those of you who have known me for quite some time will remember the drama of conceiving the wee Clementine, and so will understand that whilst an 18 month spread does seem quite, absolutely, daunting to me at this point, there was no possibility for me to at once want another baby some day and at the same time use birth control for a while to try to space things out. I knew what I know now: if I'm ever lucky enough to conceive again, I will conceive again, and I will be grateful and lucky and beholden to everyone and everything. And days, or maybe a few weeks, after that decision was made, something took hold, and somehow it is still there.

And so it shall be.

And so I hardly dare to breathe the words, since things feel so precarious at all times, this is the truth of now.

19 comments:

Steve Finnell said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Adelaide's Mom said...

Oh my word!! Congrats Carol. You are one BUSY Mama. Your kiddos are do lucky to have you and Greg.
xo

Ya Chun said...

Oh, big grins over here!

You have such a unique way of thinking of this, one that makes me smile and think that I almost could go for another round.

I hope the rest of the pregnancy is boringly stable and that the wonder of now is your wonder in the future.

Hope's Mama said...

Yay. Big yay.
xo

Charlotte's Mama said...

I know it might be a little weird to see a post removed... the person just said, You are invited to read my blog, and the link to the profile did not work. Seemed a little sketchy? Steve, if you are real, I am sorry to delete you, but I've never gotten something like that before...

Sara said...

Very excited for you, Carol—wonderful news!

kris said...

Oh, Carol, Carol, dear Carol! This is just the most wonderful news. Over the moon with joy for you, my friend. Be well. Congrats to you, Greg, Liam, Aoife, Fiona Clementine, and the fabulous Charlotte. Of course she brought another soul to you. Of course.

Kimberly said...

Bedrooms scmedrooms - you have love!

Cram em' in like sardines but love them well - no child could ask for more.

Many, many congrats!

Jenni said...

hurrah! xo

CLC said...

What great news! Congrats! I hope this pregnancy flies by and is boring as all heck. This little babe is very lucky to be part of your family!

Emily said...

Congratulations! I will send hope and positive thoughts for a boring, "normal" pregnancy.

lesliedispensaperlman said...

Sending you much grace and beautiful thoughts for the next few months. May they be full of love and light.

rebeccaeee said...

Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful news. Congrats! Oh to be a well-loved child in your house full of happiness. I will send you energy (which you shall need) and wish you the best with your summer baby!

Justin's Mom said...

Congrats! We are so happy for you and your family.

Jen said...

I'm so thrilled for you! Earlier this evening I was crying in sorrow about Charlotte at the amazing reading/discussion you invited me to, and now I'm crying with such joy for you.

loribeth said...

Congratulations!!

Pietrowski's of North Andover said...

congratulations! :-)

Hennifer said...

Belated congrats!

Taking Heart said...

Congrats... your writings of a new little rose bud within are so sweet and tender... you mother well... enJOY