Monday, March 23, 2009

My 3

I love it when something just slips out of my mouth and confirms for me what is already true. I love it even more when somebody hears what I am really saying. I was talking to a friend about how, when I take Aoife somewhere that I usually take Aoife and Liam to, I really miss Liam intensely (usually he is at nursery school when this happens). And this is what I said:

"Whenever I take Aoife to a place that I usually take all my kids to... uh... I mean both my kids to, I really miss Liam."

My friend, Gina, let out a sigh. She heard the slip, too, and wished it could be true. Wished I could take all my kids somewhere, anywhere.

I can hear some people's response to that now: "Oh, but you do! Charlotte is with you all the time!"

Yeah, but not so much, really. I'd really rather have the whiny, back-talking, sticky, overtired almost-six-year old than all this spiritual wisdom.
Having the thought, the notion, the idea that perhaps your daughter's spirit is, indeed, always with you is a pretty shitty consolation prize when what you wanted was just the daughter, for whatever she would have been.


Hope's Mama said...

Yes, I don't mind if Hope had turned out to be a "bad sleeper" or "fussy eater". I'd take anything over a spirit right now.

kris said...

Oh how I wish you could take all 3 somewhere too. I wish Charlotte could skip hand in hand with Liam and Aoife, bossing them around, and leading them on adventures. Sending love your way.

Cara said...

Ahhh- what a perfect post. I think of my 3 all the time.

Shannon said...

That makes me think of my 2 and all the things they'll never get to do, with me or with each other.