Go make something!

Here's what feels good: making stuff. Last night I sat down with my sewing machine and a piece of material and about 45 minutes later had the cutest little twirly skirt for Aoife. I was so satisfied for having carved out the time to create something cute for her. She was so delighted in the morning.

We also have gotten back into the habit (once had, yet long abandoned) of baking our own bread. We do have a bread machine but the bread tends to be dry, and our real homemade recipes were very labor intensive. Until this recipe came along:

Get a huge bowl or container and mix (as in stir with wooden spoon) 6.5 cups flour, 3 c. water, 4.5 tablespoons of yeast, 4.5 tablespoons of salt. Leave it on the counter for 2 hours. Then put it in the fridge, and when you want bread, pull a blob out, roll it in flour, and leave it on the counter for half an hour while your baking stone heats up to 450. Then put it in for 30-35 minutes, and you've got bread. No kneading, no work, it's amazing. We have experimented with combinations of whole wheat, bread flour, white whole wheat, etc. and it seems the best results are when at least half the flour is white.

The things that I work on with some regularity, which are sewing, knitting, and other crafty pursuits, are always the things that will get pushed to the back burner of my life when things seem too thick to muster. It surprises me because people will say to me, "I don't know where you find the time to do those things," and I think to myself, you silly, you just have to make it, which is true. You just have to say, Thursday night is my night, and if there are dishes on the counter, I put them in the sink where I can't see them and I do them on Friday morning because now is my time to sew. But as much as I think to myself, you just have to make the time, how easy is it to NOT make the time? To feel overwhelmed by the closet that needs cleaning, or by the pile of work that is on your desk, or by your SADNESS because your baby died? But every time, no matter what it is that is preventing me from making something, whether it's a sewing project, or creating some art for somebody, or cooking something wonderfully delicious after the children are tucked into bed, once I start doing it, I am absolutely taken with what I am working on and couldn't be happier. I also, once I have started to work on something enjoyable, couldn't care less about the things that I'm not doing.

So just do it. Pick up your knitting, or get a pattern for something cute. Bake something you've never tried before and invite a friend over to try it out. If you're babylost, like me, think of something you can make for your baby-- a cross stitch, an embroidered something, or something to embellish their special place in your house. Making things feels good, and if you don't know how, just try it. Get a book. Use your hands. It is so good for the heart and soul.

And the truth is, about the things that bog me down? It's all things that are self-imposed. Nobody else cares if my art closet is a disaster. My work that I do at the hospital, while it is amazing and so fulfilling, I am making my own deadlines and projects up as I go along. I hear people talking about the things that prevent them from having fun, obligations at work, and so on. I wonder what would happen if sometimes they said no. For me, I know I need to recognize the things that make me the best possible person, who is happiest and the most productive, and make sure that I make time and space in my life for all of those things.

Because I could, you know, die tomorrow, and I want to make sure I'm happy on the way out. I do like to think that my first little girl, through all the sadness, has really helped me to be happier all around.