I was sitting on the couch.
The three kids upstairs were snoozing.
This time it wasn't just a wrinkle, or a twitch, or an attempt, or a maybe.
As I was talking to her my sweet little 8 and a half pound darling bundle of beauty broke into the sweetest little miniature smile.
I burst into tears.
She is real!
I can't wait for everything, and I love now.
If somebody had told me this would be my life eight years ago, I would have told them they were lying. How can I be so happy, when I have experienced such pain? And when the sadness still lies in my heart?
I certainly hope that the trueness of my joy can seep into the pain of somebody's recent loss to help you realize that while it seems absolutely unfathomable, somehow real, genuine, enhanced happiness is absolutely attainable... in enormous degrees. Right alongside all the sadness.
4 comments:
I love those first smiles and first laughs. My daughter just laughed for the first time last week and it's one of those moments I won't ever forget. Now to try to get her to do it again...
that kind of love is so addictive!
And that girl knows how to make laundry!
This is why I gravitated towards you in the first place, and you only had the two living children to your name then. Oh mama, we've come a long way together since we "met".
xo
Tears. And love for you. And hope for me. I feel so, so vulnerable right now, but hopeful too. Sierra's birthday is a little over a week away, and I'm right at the gestation where everything started going wrong for her, but this new one inside is so vital, pushing and poking at me right this moment.
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