Thursday, June 19, 2008

Drowning, version 231

It happened again, last night, the dream appeared to me, in its own, new unique form, but the same nonetheless.

In this version, we are standing on a dock. We aren't far from the shore, maybe 15 feet, when suddenly Liam plummets off the side, and disappears beneath the surface of the water.
I jump in after him, and under the water, I can see him descending-- he's falling with the speed of a rock through the water, and the bottom is nowhere in sight. I can't swim fast enough. He is disappearing from me. I am running out of breath.
I wonder, then, if Greg could dive in, and if the force of a dive might propel him deep enough to rescue our son. I am also wondering if it is too late to save Aoife, if she has perhaps fallen in, too. There could still be time to save her.
As I come to the surface I see Greg leap over the edge of the dock, and I clambor out and grab Aoife. When I turn around, Greg is there, and Liam is in his arms.

I love the end of this dream, because they don't always get saved.

3 comments:

Sheela said...

Carol,
I didn't know how to respond to you directly so I hope you don't mind my posting. I am so happy that you smiled looking at the photos. I too lost a baby recently. I was 20 weeks along. This baby would have been my third. I am in the beginning of my grieving process and while we probably don't have the same experience, please know I feel your loss and understand what you mean when you say that even your happiest moment is missing someone.

Meg said...

What an intense dream. I am crying. I have never lost a baby, but I love mine so much and I've had dreams like that. In one, I'm walking in a parking lot and holding my baby.(I had this dream shortly after my first was born. New mama. So, I'm walking and out of nowhere, a guy jumps out from the cars and runs at me. I just freeze. I try to run, but I'm not fast enough. Meanwhile, my husband hasn't noticed, so he just kept walking so now he's too far away to help. The guy rips my daughter away and starts to run away. I scream for my husband and he turns and starts to run to help, but the guy was too fast. I am devestated. Then I wake up. Horrible.
I'm so glad you had a happy ending this time. Maybe the happy endings will start to outweigh the unhappy. Hope you're having a fun vacation.

Rebecca said...

I am continually amazed that you are able to give Liam and Aoife room to thrive as children at all after having lost Charlotte. This is a credit to you! Dreams are housecleaning for the psyche. Better to manifest that ever-present, latent anxiety into a dream than allow it to color your reality by overprotecting your children. And how *nice* to have a happy ending. I have a recurring dream about my own death in childbirth and am always delighted when I'm still alive at the end. The dream has changed very little over 15 years but every now and then, the ending is different and baby and I both make it out at the end.
I, too, am wishing you happy vacation thoughts.