tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1237529515432696063.post4174298885040622136..comments2023-11-02T04:05:19.890-07:00Comments on The Happy Sad Mama: Charlotte's Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06664161835198688326noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1237529515432696063.post-81727760366463324872007-12-21T11:30:00.000-08:002007-12-21T11:30:00.000-08:00From my perspective, if I'd written that note back...From my perspective, if I'd written that note back to you, it would absolutely be a plea for a call back. I never knew how to start the conversation, like you mentioned early on 'hi, help me' but I certainly welcomed any phone calls to me that I could just answer the questions asked and talk about my babies. <BR/>I thought I wouldn't want to talk to anyone, and sent out an email to everyone saying so, but then after the first initial dark dark days, I felt abandoned since everyone gave me so much space and I just couldn't pick up the phone. So I say, call, and they can always choose not to answer. Or email, because they can choose when to answer and how much. I also appreciated hearing people's own stories so I knew where they were coming from.MamaKathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13301408354362259477noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1237529515432696063.post-49512424169322368432007-12-19T17:40:00.000-08:002007-12-19T17:40:00.000-08:00i think you're right, it all depends on the people...i think you're right, it all depends on the people. i'm coming on three years since my own loss, so i too don't remember exactly what i felt like then. i'm not by nature a person who finds it easy to reach out when i'm in need...i'm more of a hibernator. i did try reaching out a few times during the early dark days, because i was SO alone, but those attempts bore little fruit. i still wonder if i came off as too raw, or if the strangers i reached out to (people who'd also had a loss, whose number was given to me by a friend of a friend) were just far enough along in their journey of healing that going back there with me just seemed too threatening.<BR/><BR/>either way, if there had been someone like you who sent a note, and i wrote back and left my number, i would have been, passively, asking YOU to call. because basically, when two parties don't know each other, someone has to take the risk. and the big risk is in picking up that phone and exposing yourself.<BR/><BR/>the way i see it...you have little to lose by a quick call. the worst they can say is "no, not now" or "not yet," and you will know it isn't personal, they're just not ready. whereas, in the throes of grief, they risk a great deal in trusting you enough to call you. and they may just not be able to summon the togetherness to do that, no matter how much they may want or need a friend like you. i say call them. don't push, but call...offer coffee, bridge the gap. from there, it's on them.<BR/><BR/>you have a good heart, i think.Bonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14403701620708365171noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1237529515432696063.post-35096928712601083222007-12-19T11:19:00.000-08:002007-12-19T11:19:00.000-08:00Dearest,Perhaps the writing back to you and what w...Dearest,<BR/><BR/>Perhaps the writing back to you and what was said was simply a way of saying thank you, and when we are ready we will call you?<BR/><BR/>Or maybe, you can just send a follow up email...saying that when they are ready or want to they can contact you. Something like that?<BR/><BR/>I am thinking that you probably already did write something like that.<BR/><BR/>It was hard for us at first to reach out into the world of others who had has a loss. For me, I just had to call you as soon as I felt I was ready to. I needed to be friends with you, you who had been right there in my shoes. You have been like a rescue for me.<BR/><BR/>Then there are just some people who don't know that it is ok to reach back when a caring and compassionate arm has been extended...I have experienced this sort, a few weeks ago we reached out to the sister of good friends of ours who lost their pregnancy after IVF. I have not heard anything from them.<BR/><BR/>So, maybe they are not ready, or they just don't want to talk to me about what happened? I don't know.<BR/><BR/>There are also those who just, MOVE ON ASAP! They think that they have to put what happened behind them, move on and close the door.<BR/><BR/>Do you know what I mean?<BR/><BR/>Your gesture was so super sweet and kind my dear. Please don't feel too bad about not knowing what you should do. If you really want to email them, then you should. Remind them that you care & understand, and they can talk to you. But, that there is no rush.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06959816794813024196noreply@blogger.com