tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1237529515432696063.post3432269057884958355..comments2023-11-02T04:05:19.890-07:00Comments on The Happy Sad Mama: Freudian "slip"Charlotte's Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06664161835198688326noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1237529515432696063.post-25107297956374806422008-03-28T10:42:00.000-07:002008-03-28T10:42:00.000-07:00Having been in ICU hooked up to all sorts of crap ...Having been in ICU hooked up to all sorts of crap with high blood pressure that DID nearly kill me and DID kill my baby...I can say that I feel for this woman. I know how much she wants to hold her baby. All hooked up and feeling like crap because of the Mg they have you on...I've been there.<BR/><BR/>And boy, the ache to hold the baby is so intense. <BR/><BR/>I never held mine. I hope she gets to hold hers.Aimeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10289999392739724304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1237529515432696063.post-14937435128390963112008-03-28T10:25:00.000-07:002008-03-28T10:25:00.000-07:00Me again. Came back to temper that last comment, w...Me again. Came back to temper that last comment, written at 8 AM on my way out the door in a rush.<BR/><BR/>I didn't mean to sound harsh, and the 'asshat' was directed at joe public, not to you at all. The way you feel is the way every woman feels, having lost a child. When we were in the NICU I'd see other babies in there - giants at 3 or 4 pounds compared to Liam and Ben's 2 pounds - and assume all of their mothers were on a cakewalk compared to me.<BR/><BR/>But soon enough I came around to relativity, only because logic demands it. Comparing trauma to trauma gets us nowhere because I am me, and you are you, and all we have our own individual context. We all despair regardless of life-on-paper.<BR/><BR/>But... easier said than done. Part of the rage is self-pity, and self-pity is really, really hard to shake. I've got it in spades.<BR/><BR/>Sorry again if my first attempt was rough around the edges. What I meant to say is that I know how you feel, and I struggle with you.sweetsalty katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15822876211091242851noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1237529515432696063.post-61301530832857419772008-03-28T04:38:00.000-07:002008-03-28T04:38:00.000-07:00The best philosophy is always relativity. The NICU...The best philosophy is always relativity. The NICU is heaven to you, having had a still baby. To someone who hasn't, the NICU is terrifying. And it holds no guarantees, and is often a marker for a lifetime of complications.<BR/><BR/>No one has a monopoly on grief. If that was the case, then I should just buck up and be happy, having only lost one of two babies. Then I should be fine, right? But "At least you got to take one home..." is, without a doubt, the most asshat thing anyone could ever say.<BR/><BR/>Many people have written to me having had miscarriages, even late-term ones, and have qualified their emails with, "Well, it's nothing to what you went through, but it broke my heart..." <BR/><BR/>By mesaure of intensity I guess a miscarriage is "less" than what I went through. But who am I to say? I am not that woman, and she is not me. That miscarriage was an explosion in her life, just as losing Liam was in mine.<BR/><BR/>Relativity.sweetsalty katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15822876211091242851noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1237529515432696063.post-51029254202177003422008-03-27T19:14:00.000-07:002008-03-27T19:14:00.000-07:00Okay, I'm going to share this and hopefully you ca...Okay, I'm going to share this and hopefully you can feel better.<BR/>My friend Raenne has had two still born babes. And just last week, she FINALLY had a beautiful pink, squalling, if small babe (3 lbs).<BR/>When we were in the nicu re-introducing me to her... One of the nurses said how well babe was doing considering how small and blah blah blah... at which point Raenne without batting an eye said.<BR/>Well, my last two never turned this colour, breathed or wet a diaper. Ever. This is HEAVEN for me.<BR/>I snorted in an effort to not laugh at the look on the nurses face.<BR/>Guess she didn't read the extended notes about this patients mama huh?<BR/>It isn't just you. =)k.thedoulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05785848306521183064noreply@blogger.com